I wrote a hit play

we are having the greatest time of our lives
--stan

puro orendyne!!! Viva Mexico cabrones! Good times in the lands of the best tail in the world. Bring on the young 'uns!

bryanalso

cause' manana is el juego primero, y porque su mama es una puta, we will rock out with out proverbial cocks out. I guess I must say that being here in this town, the town that I lived in for 6 years, the town that i know better than my own home city of Amarillo, has clouded my vision with the haze of unexplained optimism. Here's my dance to unsobriety (now a word) and the lack of a plan for tomorrow. sorry for partying!

power nate...................................................................................................next,


Stan is making me type while I am drinking so I cannot make any promises as to the spelling. Wetn to the early "tailgate" and nastys. Now hanging out at willies houseand making concoctions!!!! Love Football weekends...everyone in town is so nice!!!
ad

I love my friends,

me

p.s. emma e. hogan is hte sexiest yellow lab on earth

Posted by Stan at 8/31/2002 | Permalink

epic post of the day goes to n-doe

and so the weekend begins...

with tales of ass to be shagged and drops of the days of yore. you can tell it's football season again. the bull begins to flow from the mouths of so many like it has not in months before. a rebirth, a rejuvination of the spirit that makes the male of the species puff out his chest, bathe himself in malted beverages, and turn to his nearest friend and say "Fuck You!!! We would have kicked their fucking ass if it hadn't have been for !" Oh the return of my favorite time of year.

hook 'em

Posted by Stan at 8/30/2002 | Permalink

here's an idea...

feed people a lot of alcohol and spin them around. the owners of this place must have an iq of 169. the took what is a fixture at fraternity parties, and cancun spring break bars and built a whole rotating room. only in america.

mad hatter

Posted by Stan at 8/29/2002 | Permalink

too many of these =



...being late to work the next day.
...making you walk around in purple flip flops the next day
...giving you a ravenous hunger for shrimp po'boys


ciao,
thirsty traveler

Posted by Stan at 8/29/2002 | Permalink

I bought a tailgatting blender last week. the kind you clamp to a table and hand crank. this has 'return for refund' written all over it. actually, I bought a 'blend-R'. why do they spell it like that? you don't see hardware stores selling 'hamm-R and nails'. and why do they call it a twin bed if it's only big enough for one person to sleep on? these things bother me.

blah.

Posted by Stan at 8/28/2002 | Permalink

girls of the big dozen is out...happy day.

Posted by Stan at 8/27/2002 | Permalink

friday 5

1. What is your current occupation? Is this what you chose to be doing at this point in your life? Why or why not?
professional magazine subscriber. yes, reading while rockin' the throne is truly one of life's great pleasures.

2. If time/talent/money were no object, what would your dream occupation be?
professional baseball pitcher. during the baseball off-season I would moonlight as the ceo/playah president of the world's largest philanthropic foundation.

3. What did/do your parents do for a living? Has this had any influence on your career choices?
pappa bear: metallurgical engineer/senior advisor for an energy co.; momma bear: kindergarten teacher (retired)/volunteer. very minimal influences, but perhaps I would like to stay in the same industrial sector as my father. when I retire I'd like to teach, or maybe write some books (teaching is mother's influence; writting is father).

4. Have you ever had to choose between having a career and having a family?
no.

5. In your opinion, what is the easiest job in the world? What is the hardest? Why?\
easiest is not having one. in my opinion one of the hardest would have to be pediatric oncology.

Posted by Stan at 8/26/2002 | Permalink

fun with prosimians...only in NOLA.

I find it extremely ironic that stacy, ryan, betsy and I were talking about lemurs at a bar called monkey hill.

sometimes I feel like this world revolves around monkeys and midgets,
zoobomafoo

Posted by Stan at 8/26/2002 | Permalink

west nile is...

is not just a mosquito borne virus in egypt. its out to get me, maybe I should pack some o' dis for my trip.



fo' shizzle my nizzle,
snoopp dogg

Posted by Stan at 8/23/2002 | Permalink

fun with frenchies...



cookie? cookie googleman!!? is that you?

Posted by Stan at 8/22/2002 | Permalink

it's coming...



beware of the juggernaut

Posted by Stan at 8/21/2002 | Permalink

john madden vs. anna nicole smith

used to be...a football coach vs. hot. advantage: ace hardware spokesman
thanksgiving entree...a turducken (a duck stuffed in a chicken, and stuffed in a turkey) vs. bimbucken (a bimbo stuffed into a dress 3 sizes too small). advantage: guess?

Posted by Stan at 8/20/2002 | Permalink

some people...

let themselves be played like a cheap guitar. I was going to the store to get some reliant stadium preview passes yesterday, and while I was at a stop light I came across what is turning out to be a common site in houston: homeless beggars. blame it on the economy, blame it on the aging boomers, blame it on widespread lazyness; its becoming an eyesore. city council should create some sort of zoning laws, or maybe a panderer's area. you know like a trader's village, but in this village you can have a gathering of pro-beggars. one of my mom's favorite 'motivational' activies was to parade us around the ghetto and point at people and say 'this is where you'll end if you don't study and do well in school'. I was scared straight, there was no way I was going to end up wearing crusty rags and smelling like sour milk. but this is beside the point.

here I was sitting at a notoriously long light, and my eyes started to wander towards the derelict. I usually tend to avert my eyes from their tractor-beam like gaze, but something about this dude didn't seem right. his signage read: 'homeless, disabeled, god bless' yeah he was sitting in a wheel chair. but he was shading himself with a $50 titleist umbrella and he was drinking water out of a nalgene bottle. could this be a new breed of hobo? the yuppy hobo? could be, but that was not the most unsettling thing I noticed. what was most disturbing was seeing how a wheel chair bound man made it to his perch. he was stationed on the grassy median of a busy intersection. meaning that he had to wheel himself across heavy traffic, AND clear the sidewalk. its not like there was a wheel accessible ramp on this median folks. alarms went off, no way this guy was legit. either he can walk (this legs didn't look atrophied) or maybe he has a pimp that put him there. regardless, this phony wasn't getting my shillings.

now I'm beggining to wander if there is a pseudo-pimp out there. one who is in charge of stationing his harlots on intersections, and unleashing a flurry of 'after school program' kids in neighborhoods. could they all be masterminded by the same guy? that's a distinct possibility.


go away!
sour stan

Posted by Stan at 8/18/2002 | Permalink

I love going to the store...

I end up going just to get something simple, like juice, and I end up walking out with a shopping cart full. my favorite aisle at randall's is the one with the hair color products. it's just a big wall of little boxes, each with a picture of a pretty girl on it. every possible variation of hair color neatly represented by a cute smiling head shot. often, I like to turn all of of the boxes inward and play a little game I call 'hair dye memory' where I try to remember which girl is behind which box. 'okay, strawberry blonde, where are you hiding. c'mon baby, you know I'm gonna find you sooner or later. come to pappa'...I've been asked to never come back to that location ever again.

f randall's,
central market

Posted by Stan at 8/15/2002 | Permalink

truman zoolander...

...is not my dog's alter ego. I guess he fully understands that there is more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. after all, there are testes to be licked, balls to be fetched, lawns to be pooped on, and ah yes...bitches to be had. he somehow still manages to muddle through his life without letting me document it. you see, my dog is extremely camera shy. he'll fetch, heel, sit, stay, high-five all day long, but when the camera is pulled out he hides like a pussy. its as if someone flipped a switch. no longer is he the vibrant truman I know, he morphs into quasitruman. a low self-esteemed furry little poosay.

don't you know I'm loco?

hansel mcdonald

Posted by Stan at 8/14/2002 | Permalink

I went into a toys r us on my way back from from downtown to buy a gift for a 1 year old and I noticed a trend with the toys. over 50% of the toys were geared towards teaching children the noises animals make. a cow says 'moo'. a cat says 'meow'. a dog says 'woof woof'. the rooster says 'cockadoodle doo'. there is so much emphasis on this that you would think that recognizing animal noises is an incredibly vital piece of information that kids must be taught early on. I don't think I get it. why do they need to know this information so badly? what future life situation would come up where they wouldn't be properly prepared if they didn't know that a bird goes "tweet, tweet", or that a pink goes 'oink, oink'. well it makes perfect sense if you are raising an aggie. I think it would become obvious to them pretty quickly. I mean, you think a child is going to get hurt trying to milk cat because he or she didn't understand the difference between a 'meow' and a 'moo'. come on now.

they say that what children learn during their formative years has a profound effect on how they develop. well, then forget the animal noises. I think we should be teaching our children real life things early on. there should be toys out there that teach things that will prepare youngsters for the the real world ahead of them. things like:


'loosen the lug nuts before you jack the car up to change the tire'
'you'll have the most fun at a titty bar if you go two days prior to the end of the month'
'if she touches your arm during dinner, this is a good sign'
'don't push the q-tip too far into your ear'
'find the cheapest wine on the list, then pick the one above that one'
'if you get pulled over after you have been drinking and the cop asks you to say the alphabet backwards don't say: "I can't even do that sober"'
'it's safe to drive 8 mph over the posted speed limit without getting a ticket'
I could go on and on...

mr. wizard

Posted by Stan at 8/12/2002 | Permalink

friday v

1. do you have a car? if so, what kind of car is it? a cavalier...its red

2. do you drive very often? get around town, I get around...I drive very often, especially in the fall when I'm following the 'horns around.

3. what's your dream car? '69 cadillac eldorado drop top, ferrari f360 (its a v8, so what?)

4. Have you ever received a ticket? does the bear shit in the woods?

5. have you ever been in an accident? there was this one time in college when this girl, driving her dad's acura legend, clipped us while we were doing down the curvy part of windsor. it had been raining, so the asphalt was slippery when wet. our ride spun around a few times, and we almost flipped onto shoal creek. had we gone over the edge we would have drowned fo' sho'. after the near death experience, my co-pilot sto and I went to the tavern and drank ourselves silly.

Posted by Stan at 8/11/2002 | Permalink

who are these people?

I went to walgreens earlier to have a passport photo taken. while I was waiting for the pics to be developed I saw something that struck me as kind of odd. you know how you can buy cards in packs of 12 or more, usually thank you cards and such? well, I saw a pack of condolence cards. now stop for a second and think about this. who has a need to buy these kinds of cards in bulk? I have some ideas on what these might be for...

nursing home resident: you're very elderly and all of your friends are dropping like the ramones. rather than go to the card store twice a week and risk a 'depends moment'(this reminds of of that great snl parody 'whoops, I crapped my pants'), why not just buy condolence cards by the pack. you'll save yourself time, energy and possible embarrassment.

repentant serial killer pack: you kill, you feel guilty, you send card. you kill, you feel guilty, you send card. lather and rinse, repeat. if you become too regular a customer at the card store, the cashier might be able to id you in a police line-up, so let's buy the condolence card pack instead just to be safe. note to self: kill cashier, feel guilty, send card.

there you have it,
silent lamb

Posted by Stan at 8/09/2002 | Permalink

are you digital?



...I'm about to,
daddy mack/mack daddy

Posted by Stan at 8/09/2002 | Permalink

as predicted...



this game is going to be the end of me.

yes, I'm cooler than you,
coach truman

Posted by Stan at 8/07/2002 | Permalink

oh the memories keep coming back to me. shit, I feel like I powered a few shots of drano. my head is still not feeling right 28hrs later. so much to write about, can't believe all this shit happened in one night. who am I kidding? its me we are talking about here. the quintessential magnet for sensational events.

part deaux:
-the gq wannabe mongoloid who tried to steal my spot in his racing stripe clad '88 honda hatchback.
-j-sel's brilliant idea of hidding the stolen guiness glasses in the construction rubble.
-getting comped for drinks with my stellar bull.
-the pianoman who wasn't there.
-glasses still being there, and my stupid ass shattering one of them on the rice lofts' sidewalk.
-barganing with the rose lady.
-dj'ing at the last place we went to.
-playing bumper cars with the shubbery around l.'s apartment...and me winning.
-8 hr. long power outtage.

Posted by Stan at 8/05/2002 | Permalink

jebus! crazy night.

that's all I got to say about that,
forrest forrest gump

p.s. what is up with?
-a rose in my backseat?
-all the business cards in my wallet
-me inviting half of a bar to an all out omaha steak bbq
-all the folded up receipts I refuse to look at
-where the fuck are my clothes?

I'm too large time for this city...simple as that

Posted by Stan at 8/04/2002 | Permalink

aug. 1-8 is breast feeding week...

so read the marquee at memorial city hospital. well that explains why I had to be a witness to the mavel of lactation at the movie house last night. a mother sitting two rows in front and to the left of me picked up her crying infant and put him in the feeding position. she then unbottoned her blouse and coupled her left mammary with her child's mouth. I was a little surprised, but I was able to continue watching the previews without a problem. then, apparently the infant had enough, she removed her baby from her breast, stood up and put her child in his carrier...her left tit hanging out the whole time. needless to say I was a bit confussed. why would she neglect to cover herself up after she was done feeding? why the fuck would you bring a baby to the movies? if you can't afford a babysitter don't come to the theater in the first place. why did this woman leave her breast exposed like that for so long? she must have known I was looking. then the only logical answer came to me...you gotta let the funbag air dry after feeding, otherwise it will get moldy.

dr. spock

Posted by Stan at 8/01/2002 | Permalink