I wrote a hit play

again I go unnoticed

so quiet another wasted night/
the television steals the conversation/
exhale, another wasted breath/
again it goes unnoticed.

[chorus]
please tell me you're just feeling tired/
cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break/
out of touch, out of time/
please send me anything but signals that are mixed/
'cause I can't read your rolling eyes/
out of touch, are we out of time?

close lipped another goodnight kiss/
is robbed of all it's passion/
your grip another time, is slack it leaves me feeling empty.

[chorus]

I'll wait until tomorrow/
maybe you'll feel better then/
maybe we'll be better then/
so what's another day/
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you/
this mood of yours is temporary/
it seems worth the wait to see your smile again/
out of the corner of your eye/
wont be the only way you'll look at me then.

[chorus]


yes I made this, that is my hand, that is my folk gun...err guitar, do not doubt my photoshop prowess, do not taunt happy fun ball.

Posted by Stan at 10/31/2002 | Permalink

this is a satirical piece...

my dad treated me to lunch today. indian this time. I guess feasting on saffron rice, tandori chicken, and nan was a small retribution for the soggy beck's prime chicken sandwich he got me because I couldn't make it to lunch with him and my brosephs yesterday. those lucky dogs got to eat suculent steaks. but this is all beside the point.

I have somehow missed what is rather obvious at this point. my dad has turned into 'cool guy'. I was greeted by a pair of bolle (prescription) sunglasses, complete with a black strap cord and all, hanging from his rear view mirror when I was trying to tune into the jime rome show. how ironic. not only are his shades THE feej staple, but they were hanging from his mirror like a parking permit for all to see. he who is fond of garish hats, slide rulers, and graphic calculators has gone totally fratastic. if my mother is not careful, and keeps going on all of these random trips, she's going to find herself on the receiving end of the boot. next thing I know my dad is going to swap his wheels for a black tahoe with a two inch lift, a ducks unlimited sticker in the back, and set of flomasters. and I'll be having to split my holidays between my poor mother's house, and having to bare eating xmas diner at my dad's with a socialite step mom named traci (yes, traci with a 'i'), who is blonde, likes to wear gucci sunglasses, and walks around totting a louis vuitton bag full of m.a.c make-up.

excellent!
ted logan, esquire

Posted by Stan at 10/30/2002 | Permalink

the time has come for me to readjust my priorities. just when I set my sights on what I think it is a 'good girl' I come to find out she's all hugged up with a 44 year old geriatric. damn, what the fuck?!? in an effort to attract more girls, I will totally revamp my tactics. instead of rolling out of the rack and skipping breakfast every morning I will do the following:

1. follow a strict regimen of pill consumption, consisting but not limited to: centrum silver, geritol, viagra.
2. rub aspercreme, or ben gay on my joints, to give me that arthritic aroma.
3. instead of spending money on designer fragrances, I will limit myself to the drug store kind. good bye ralph lauren, and creed; hello aqua velva, old spice, and high karate.
4. fake acid flash backs, and talk about 'nam...a lot.
5. reminiss about the times of free love and happiness.

fuck it. I'm even comtemplating the idea of adopting a cantonese kid, renaming him 'cool' and pimp him around the young college co-ed circuit. truman is simply not cutting it anymore.

fuck it all,
fed up in h-town

Posted by Stan at 10/29/2002 | Permalink

lazy austin sundays

after celebrating the dawn of a new era (69 years PC...err setting the clocks back an hour) until, well, about the crack of dawn, I spent most of the first good hours of 10.27.02 in blissful sleep. although I do love sleeping late and waking up to sunlight hitting my face rather than waking up to the rancid smells originating from a sock that wg pelted me with, I certainly hope sleeping until eleven thirty isn't a trend that will continue through the rest of the year. the show I so long looked forward to watching (longhorn sportscenter with mack brown) had gone the way of the bolo tie, gonna have to catch tape the rebroadcast on wed.

another thing I hope doesn't evolve from random occurance to trend is the lack of broad band access and cable at the place I crashed at. rather than sit in front of my computer for an hour or so reading/composing e-mail, AIM'ing people, and basically readjusting to consciousness, I was forced to roll out of the rack (in this case a bobby trendiesque luxuuuurioouzz couch) to the computer room where I sat in silence, exiled in casa de peligroso with no cable or internet. nathaniel, being in the same predicament, sat up with me in the living room where we had what experts on the subject call 'face to face conversation'. apparently, people used to do this before the days of aim. it's completely foreign to me, and I'm not sure how much I like it.

as we sat on the couch recapping last night's events, ad got a call from the newly weds about where we were going out for 'breakfast'. as if sunday breakfasts in austin need to be discussed. if you don't know that we go to juan in a million, you don't know us well at all. at about noon, I finally changed into new clothes, but you wouldn't know it because I basically changed into the same ensemble, hopped in the back of the expy with a bag, a shoe polishing kit, and various garmet bags, and pretended like I was actually going to do someting with my day.

we probably would have been better suited staying at home, because we spent an uncomfortable about of time dodging water leaks, and digging used sweet and lo bags out of our glasses. the object of my desires tortured me by disclosing to the press that she was 'seeing someone'. don juans just don't taste very good when you've been handed a bus ticket to the 'friend zone'.

after sacrificing several small animals and a young virgin to thank the automobile gods for seeing the rover there in all its glory, we got to the real business of the day, which was seeing our traditional sunday movie. see, every sunday in austin, we see a movie, and invariably, the quality of the movie is inversely proportional to the ratio of girls present. so we compromised on 'parenthood'. one thing that I will take from this movie is that naming a kid 'Cool' is pretty damn funny.

we then got down to business, that of watching game 7 and procurring food. we got shot down at one place...f the papa john's haters, but we made do and got some domino's in the end. bonds didn't get his ring, and the rally monkeys prevailed...it flirted with all-out suckiness, but it unfortunately did not cross the line.

back in h-town around 2am I looked in my usual hidding spot at my parents' house, found my key, gave my dog a kiss, picked out an empty bed and promptly passed out until 5:30am this morning.

cheers,
td explosivo

Posted by Stan at 10/28/2002 | Permalink

still in austin...

I love this city, not quite ready to go back to suckton yet. our pilot, nasty nate, has set our time of departure after the ball game which is about to start. speaking of...
(this heard on town lake as we were going to brunch this morning)

girl #1: it seems that I've been watching the angels vs. the giants forever
girl #2: girl #1, its the world series!
girl #1: ohhh!

later dudes,
rally monkey

Posted by Stan at 10/27/2002 | Permalink

humpday

for me its such a placid day. a sharp contrast from my past active college social calendar. it usually meant there was some sort of drink special at some austin watering hole. and it was a good bet that I was there, front and center.

fast forward a few years into the future, a corporate sell out, more responsibilities, a few more gray whiskers on truman's snout and here I am. exiled at home for the evening. I resigned myself to the fate of watching 'the amazing race 3' and 'the bachelor'. after the shows were over, or was it before they even came on? I received a phone call that would usher in what has been my most exciting humpday in recent memory. I won't make you turn green with envy by dispensing specifics, but if know how 'I do it' should be a good indicator...multiply it by 6 or 9 and we'll be in the same ballpark.

I gotta give props to stacy for making it all happen. talk about throwing a dog a bone. fuck, I wish some of my guy friend would take a page out of her book. I, for one, would have a fuller agenda. maybe the writting is on the wall, and I'm too much of a sissy to read it. it seems that its telling me to move to sec country, at least I seem to be wanted and in higher demand there, ha. props to ryno for being ryno.

so another horns' game week begins. game day anxiety is beggining to set in. some notables: e-gagel, brianalso, and truman will be absent. they will surely be missed. another, special k, is making her season debut. could we also be graced by gooby's presence? we shall see.

I'm dreading the scene that will take place on my bed when I finally decide to hit the hay. I will quickly realize that I hadn't really slept for about a week. the bags under my eyes will be fully packed and ready for a vacation to dreamland, but they will be held up by a border patrolman named Gameday Related Anxiety. after two hours of being detained, I will discover what it would take to get us to our destination, and slip the border guard some nyquil. apparently, we'll be speaking his language, because soon after that we'll be like nelly: 'flying furst clah'ss, sittin' next to vannah white'.


frequent flyer

Posted by Stan at 10/24/2002 | Permalink

me and my glass bottles full of coins

I'm a food snob, I gotta have my normandy butter, my regianno parmessan cheese, and my jersey cow milk. a new born bear cub just might consume a tad more lactose than I do. but I'll bet you eleventeen million dollars that his keepers don't give him sweet chocolate milk every evening like I treat myself. consequently my dairy binges leave me with enough glass bottles to make the kitchen look like a recycling plant. the pseudo-environmentalist in me finds other uses for them instead of chucking them in the garbage. one of my favorite applications is to turn them into change jars. there are everywhere.

this afternoon I took one of my jugs full of change and dumped it out on my desk. I was in one of my minimalist moods and decided that these coins were somehow weighing me down. quarters I need. quarters mean soft drinks and peep shows, but the silver and the copper, who needs 'em?

I usually take them to the grocery store and empty a ziploc bag into the coinstar machine. but the processing fee they assess eventually adds up. being one to always buck the system I had to find a away.

so I fished out all the dimes and nickels and put them in this old crown royal velveteen bag. I put all my pennies in this paper sack and I headed out. I went to the post office and pretended to purchase stamps from the vending machine (I actually bought one booklet for the weekend postcards I send my friends from the road). I glanced at the selection, ran my finger across the glass and tried to look like a normal customer. I started feeding my dimes and nickels into the coin slot. dink. dink. dink. dink. I put in more coins and watched the digital read out go well over $24.00. I kept on. dink. dink. dink. when my handful was done I stopped and pressed the 'return change' button.

ka-chink! ka-chink! ka-chink! ka-chink! ka-chink! ka-chink!

I don't know what came over me but as the golden dollar coins came spilling out and over-flowed onto the floor I screamed, 'oh my god! I won! I won! I WON!'. and, I got down on my hands and knees and started scooping up all my shillings and then I ran out of the locale in an excited rush.

so I get back and I tell nasty nate about it, and he replies with the following: 'but you still have a bunch of coins'. true, but at least I don't have to put my pennies in a dirty sock to go through the mcdonald's drive-thru. now I can go to a pub with my velveteen bag tied around my waist and shout orders to the waitress 'wench! I'll have the finest pitcher of ale in the house'. and I can pay her in a stack of neat coins.

as you were,
lord helmoot

Posted by Stan at 10/22/2002 | Permalink

ok, I fold...
I'm a charming punk, a badass by anyone's definition. a guy's guy. but one of my most outstanding traits that I posses is that I'm cheesy, not cheezy...that over priced shit is sold at convenience stores (see: cheez-its). not an mtv's the grind kind of cheesy, more like a nerd in a john cuzack round about way. dorky with a certain debonairly coolness.

I admit it, I'm a sucker for the ketchup song. you know what I'm talking about 'asejere'. the spanish pipeline that brought us the macarena has blessed us with this latest installment. I first heard it when I was baby sitting tori. dude, I made fun of that song like it was a two-legged dog strapped to a homemade skateboard. the kind that you see on stray dogs have escaped near death at the hands of restaurants in shanghai. today I was doing my daily scanning of cnn.com and there was a feature on said song. to add insult to injury it said the chorus is loosely based on 'rapper's delight'. nothing like emulating english gibberish.

play the song is she gets fussy her mom said. so I did when the situation called for it and...well I made fun of it. I even went as far as calling nathan to tell him about it. we declared it crap, and couldn't believe that someone would force their child to dance to such rubbish. wouldn't you know it, as soon as it was over I was playing that sum'bitch again. this time I was trying to figure out the chords of it, and downloading it so I could file transfer it to nasty nate. the song is so catchy, and the tune is so contagious. its like eating one lays chip, one chip only. so ever since I've been debating whether or not to purchase it. I have a tendency to buy terrible albums because I happen to dig one single. ok, cue the following: pm dawn 'paper doll', timmy t 'one more try', encomium, et al. maybe I can buy more acceptable titles and sneak that one in, maybe the attendant won't notice. if you have seen jack black in 'high fidelity' you'd understand just want type of cats I deal with in my neighborhood record store.

f a b,
virgil tracy

Posted by Stan at 10/21/2002 | Permalink

horns win, bama wins, saints win, I lose; care to tell me what's wrong with this picture?

ansel

Posted by Stan at 10/21/2002 | Permalink

a long time

you know its been a long time since you've written when you actually have to have the password to this ditty emailed back to you because you can't seem to recall it. well aware that I've had an extended absence. there are many things I can atrribute to that. I'm working on this project, I've been traveling a lot, etc. a lot of it has to do with the fact that I feel like I'm in a place eerily similar place to where I was three years ago and I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to keep myself from sinking that low again, because, you know, wanting to hop the median and drive into oncoming traffic everytime I'm on the freeway isn't exactly what one would call 'healthy'. I know that she's out there, but she's just learning what to contrast me against.

I shouldn't look forward to inactivity as much as I do. I've always prided myself on being a lazy bastard, but rather than feel relaxed when vegetating, I just feel unsettled. too bad that this trip came up, I was really counting on shooting something out in the country. instead, I'll be scouting some 'bama talent. run down mentally and physically, I'm becoming increasingly bitter, and I don't like it. the pettiest things set me off.

it could also have something to do with the weather. between last wednesday and thursday, the temperature dropped something like twenty degrees. it was like The Powers That Be said, 'no more summer. stop having fun . . . now!" last week I wore shorts and spent a fair amount of time peeling the shirt from my sweaty lower back. I saw my breath when I walked out the door this morning. there's something wrong with this.

there's also something wrong with being bored enough to discuss the weather.

I love cool weather as much as the next guy, but I always come down with a terrible cold this time of the year. I tend to get over then rather quickly, however I'm a bit nervous that I may not be 100% for my big trip this weekend (didn't I just come back from another big trip?). I certainly don't want to give the sec a bad first impression. or as my friend said earlier this evening 'i am sure that you will give those 'bama girls an evening to remember... good or bad, that will be up to you'. I couldn't have said it better myself.

hasta luego,
juan mayer

Posted by Stan at 10/15/2002 | Permalink

things that pissed me off this week:
jeff/kent/toby's paranoia
patrick/jose/sven's peace keeping mission
the hostesses at the cactus
the fucker's who sold swango hockey pucks, instead of snuff
my 'tommy boy' tan
me going 5-17 on my games
'ou guys' like syrrus; that shit NEVER happens to me
17-15

things that made me happy:
the ut club buffet
burying the hatchet with ut club's diane
$2 long island iced teas at the 'dise
brooke, my favorite waitress
'best wurst' on sixth st.
skip and go naked
the sopranos, queso and chips, and pizza
phil dawsoning that traffic cone

Posted by Stan at 10/08/2002 | Permalink

mlk and san jac...

am I the only one who thinks that maybe, just maybe, if the 'press to cross street' button gets pressed twice, they cancel each other out and nothing happens? does that button even really do anything? but, it's this dual fear that stops me from hitting it when I get to the corner. I can't win. I don't want to be taken for a fool and press a decoy button. and I sure as hell don't want to hit a working button and cancel the good pressing already done by a person who got to the corner before I did. so... I do nothing.

-- street x-er

Posted by Stan at 10/08/2002 | Permalink

'the monster that we call...'

again, the horns were victorious, albeit it was only a 2 pt. win. a win is a win, is a win. 5-0 heading into the college game of the year. next week's episode of the 'the monster that we call college football" takes us to the big d. our clan will be in attendance, it should be fun. we are currently enjoying a secret concoction called "skip and go naked", a brainchild of ad, and gagel. the secrets of its make-up are infinite. if its true composition were made public the universe would explode and implode simultaneously.

cheers,
nostradamus

Posted by Stan at 10/06/2002 | Permalink

I've finally done it, last night I danced with la fee verte. I have become a true bohemian revolutionary, believing in the principles: truth, beauty, freedom and above all things love...love is like oxygen.

love is a many splendored thing,
christian

Posted by Stan at 10/04/2002 | Permalink

going to the doctor used to be so much more fun when my always brief visits ended with my pediatrician (mostly my aunt) giving me a lollipop, a pat on the back and enough meds to choke a budweiser clydesdale. nowadays, a doctor's visit is more likely to include a lifestyle lecture, having my satchel groped, an attempt to shove a finger into where the sun don't shine and end with confusion. as such, I've become increasingly frightened of seeing my physician.

I've been able to avoid visits to the doctor for most of my life thanks to the ever powerful combination of healthy living and bold-faced denial. my taste for the latter probably stems from many trips during my childhood to visit a family member before or after they had some part of their body surgically removed. my youngest brother went to the doctor fairly often and found himself the lucky recipient of various procedures on separate occasions. however, I went to the doctor roughly once a year and had never had any serious problems. but when I did go, I usually ended up getting something major done (flat feet, knee, tonsilectomy, adenoidectomy, wisdom teeth, day surgery, hospitalization for testing, etc.) based on these findings, I came to the conclusion that going to the doctor meant someone having something major done on yours truly.

yes, they put me in the advanced classes in elementary school for a reason.

while I never consciously believed this, I have avoided trips to the doctor when I probably shouldn't have. I distinctly remember being shoved into my mom's car and hauled against my will to a doctor after a week's ear ache addled misery caused me to be partially deaf out of one ear. I'm not sure if it's that the potential diagnosis scared me or I thought I could cure what seemed like a common ear ache with advil and ignorance, but I'm glad my mom had sense enough to force me into seeing a professional because that common ear ache ended up being an abscess. when the general practitioner couldn't even insert the otoscope, he immediately sent me to a specialist. I found myself sedated and locally anesthesized at the ent's office in a matter of minutes.

even though I've had a few episodes similar to this, I'm still reluctant to see the doctor. basically, the only way to get me to make an appointment other than physically dragging me to my physician's office is to scare me into believing it's necessary. I've spent the last year or so being unable to get a good night's rest. I planned on attacking the problem with new sheets, softer mattress and clever excuses. If anyone asked why I woke up looking like I had pedaled 69 miles through a rhowandan cattle road on a stiff framed bike, I told them that I had stayed up late reading. which I do with alarming frequency. it wasn't until I mentioned my ails to rachel that I realized I could have something serious. suddenly, my limp excuse plan didn't seem so cute.


until next time,
hypochondriac

Posted by Stan at 10/01/2002 | Permalink