8.31.2003
I will say no more, for I have gotten in enough trouble today as it is. be well, my super amigos.
k. has the tightest butt, tights, ass....ever!
8.28.2003
common denominator?
I think my odometer was overdue for a resetting
a dirty penny
a ballon knot
yo-yo smuggler
thank god for women...the perfect opposite of me. like a finely aged cigar the flavors expose themselves as you get deeper in...to the smoke. while many may be dismayed and awash in the "ocean" of the majority, there are a very select few, that have the distinction of being a taste beyond compare, a true gourmet delight. it is in search of these precious few that I devoted my youth, and ahhhh what a grand search it was. they are out there my friends. their essence floats on the air as the sweet smell of wanton desire and lustful aroma fills any room they enter. given this uncommon opportunity to sample this rare and beautiful delicacy, you will be held awash in its subtleties and nuances on your tongue.
god must have been a fuckin' genius, whooah!
lt. col. frank slade
I think my odometer was overdue for a resetting
a dirty penny
a ballon knot
yo-yo smuggler
thank god for women...the perfect opposite of me. like a finely aged cigar the flavors expose themselves as you get deeper in...to the smoke. while many may be dismayed and awash in the "ocean" of the majority, there are a very select few, that have the distinction of being a taste beyond compare, a true gourmet delight. it is in search of these precious few that I devoted my youth, and ahhhh what a grand search it was. they are out there my friends. their essence floats on the air as the sweet smell of wanton desire and lustful aroma fills any room they enter. given this uncommon opportunity to sample this rare and beautiful delicacy, you will be held awash in its subtleties and nuances on your tongue.
god must have been a fuckin' genius, whooah!
lt. col. frank slade
8.26.2003
kind of stuff I think about whilst puffing on a cigar...
today around noon, I decided to venture out to this cigar shop that I have driven by a couple of times. must have been my lucky day, or maybe my charisma was able to charm not one, not two, but three sticks away from the owner. while I was talking this guy's ear off some parking lot evangelist must have been making the rounds out in the tarmac.
"where will you spend eternity?"
that's what a leaflet tucked neatly under my windsheild wiper asked.
thankful that it wasn't a parking ticket, I snatched it quickly and took a look at the propaganda. it's a quaint little anecdote about how if I don't accept jebus as my savior, I will eek out a lonely existance only to burn in hell for all eternity.
ok...so by this logic, all I have do is accept jesus cristo to cure my loneliness. if I had known j-dogg could hook me up with some bearded taco meat, I'd have bought into christianity a long time ago.
the pamphlet, however, didn't do a good job of convincing me of changing my evil ways. most of it is just so difficult to buy into. dig the first few sentences:
on a late night television show a popular playwright was asked whether making a lot of money concerned him. the studio audience went dead silent when he answered, "no. . .what does concern me is the fear of dying."
most of us, like the studio audience, are too uncomfortable with death to think clearly about our own eternal future. but the fact is that one day you and I will die.
my problems with this are as follows:
a. when has a playwright ever been popular enough to be on a late night tv show? this is impossible, I refuse to believe that some typewritter jockey got on letterman before I did. shit, I wrote a hit play! you haven't seen me on tv...not yet.
b. what kind of assy host would ask a question like, "does making a lot of money concern you?" on these pr fests? these people are here to obviously plug something, not answer loaded philosophical questions.
c. nobody who would answer that question by talking about dying would be allowed within a hundred yards of any late night show couch. mr. emo must have been listening to the smiths as he scarfed down that entire plate of pot brownies in the green room. if you are going to be shocking, you could at least flash your boobies like drew barrymore did that one time on letterman.
d) if you are trying to convince me of something, you should try not to start out so dark. next time, start out by saying, "in heaven, every girl says "yes" and your pants are fitted with a button that provides instant orgasmic pleasure." that's effective persuasion right there, muchachos. I'd totally dust off my brioni and be down at the church in seconds had I read that. now I'm all bummed about being lonely, dying and smelling all that burning flesh. it makes a fella want to give up.
also, in a futile attempt to be clever, the cover informs me that reservations are required to get into heaven. oh really fool? if I spent time building a personal relationship with god, I'd think he might wave me past the bouncer.
now I'm not attacking bible beaters in general here. I think it's great to have a sense of spirituality. however, there's an axiom that says one should not go to a doctor that needs to advertise. I think the same should go for religion. how effective can a pamphlet placed under windshields in a parking lot be at changing someone's belief structure?
honestly, there's no use passing out pamphlets or even arguing about religion. people have their opinions and are usually going to stick to them. nobody can ever win an arguement about religion because there is no concrete evidence to support any angle.
choose what you are going to believe in or what you aren't going to believe in for yourself. don't let some pretend righteous high school drop-out dictate your beliefs. I personally think that having a personal relationship with god is just that, personal. I don't need a priest to tell me what's right from wrong, especially in light of all the allegations of depravity that have recently surfaced. priests are human too, we are all naturally flawed.
ok, I will stop being a theologian for today.
today around noon, I decided to venture out to this cigar shop that I have driven by a couple of times. must have been my lucky day, or maybe my charisma was able to charm not one, not two, but three sticks away from the owner. while I was talking this guy's ear off some parking lot evangelist must have been making the rounds out in the tarmac.
"where will you spend eternity?"
that's what a leaflet tucked neatly under my windsheild wiper asked.
thankful that it wasn't a parking ticket, I snatched it quickly and took a look at the propaganda. it's a quaint little anecdote about how if I don't accept jebus as my savior, I will eek out a lonely existance only to burn in hell for all eternity.
ok...so by this logic, all I have do is accept jesus cristo to cure my loneliness. if I had known j-dogg could hook me up with some bearded taco meat, I'd have bought into christianity a long time ago.
the pamphlet, however, didn't do a good job of convincing me of changing my evil ways. most of it is just so difficult to buy into. dig the first few sentences:
on a late night television show a popular playwright was asked whether making a lot of money concerned him. the studio audience went dead silent when he answered, "no. . .what does concern me is the fear of dying."
most of us, like the studio audience, are too uncomfortable with death to think clearly about our own eternal future. but the fact is that one day you and I will die.
my problems with this are as follows:
a. when has a playwright ever been popular enough to be on a late night tv show? this is impossible, I refuse to believe that some typewritter jockey got on letterman before I did. shit, I wrote a hit play! you haven't seen me on tv...not yet.
b. what kind of assy host would ask a question like, "does making a lot of money concern you?" on these pr fests? these people are here to obviously plug something, not answer loaded philosophical questions.
c. nobody who would answer that question by talking about dying would be allowed within a hundred yards of any late night show couch. mr. emo must have been listening to the smiths as he scarfed down that entire plate of pot brownies in the green room. if you are going to be shocking, you could at least flash your boobies like drew barrymore did that one time on letterman.
d) if you are trying to convince me of something, you should try not to start out so dark. next time, start out by saying, "in heaven, every girl says "yes" and your pants are fitted with a button that provides instant orgasmic pleasure." that's effective persuasion right there, muchachos. I'd totally dust off my brioni and be down at the church in seconds had I read that. now I'm all bummed about being lonely, dying and smelling all that burning flesh. it makes a fella want to give up.
also, in a futile attempt to be clever, the cover informs me that reservations are required to get into heaven. oh really fool? if I spent time building a personal relationship with god, I'd think he might wave me past the bouncer.
now I'm not attacking bible beaters in general here. I think it's great to have a sense of spirituality. however, there's an axiom that says one should not go to a doctor that needs to advertise. I think the same should go for religion. how effective can a pamphlet placed under windshields in a parking lot be at changing someone's belief structure?
honestly, there's no use passing out pamphlets or even arguing about religion. people have their opinions and are usually going to stick to them. nobody can ever win an arguement about religion because there is no concrete evidence to support any angle.
choose what you are going to believe in or what you aren't going to believe in for yourself. don't let some pretend righteous high school drop-out dictate your beliefs. I personally think that having a personal relationship with god is just that, personal. I don't need a priest to tell me what's right from wrong, especially in light of all the allegations of depravity that have recently surfaced. priests are human too, we are all naturally flawed.
ok, I will stop being a theologian for today.
8.25.2003
some just don't get it
reason why nikki hilton makes my pants percolate: she's a lot like billy madison, but way hotter...and she's a girl (that's important, too)
any more brainbusters?
mr. penguin
reason why nikki hilton makes my pants percolate: she's a lot like billy madison, but way hotter...and she's a girl (that's important, too)
any more brainbusters?
mr. penguin
8.24.2003
I'm such a cigar snob
list of cigars I would like to get my hands on again:
in order of preference
montecristo no.2 habano
bolivar royal corona habano
cohiba siglo iv habano
fuente fuente opus x (ok, I may just marry the first girl that finds me one in mint condition)
cohiba esplendido habano
padron 1964 anniversary series imperial
padron magnum maduro
serie 1926 no. 1
arturo fuente hemingway work of art
partagas 8-9-8 habano my first box of cubans...you never forget your first.
davidoff grand cru no. 2
h. upmann no. 100 robust
"daily" smokes:
romeo y julieta medalla de oro
romeo y julieta cedro no. 2
romero y julieta reserva
bolivar dominican royal corona
dunhill toro
astral beso
feel free to send any of the above my way...thanks.
list of cigars I would like to get my hands on again:
in order of preference
montecristo no.2 habano
bolivar royal corona habano
cohiba siglo iv habano
fuente fuente opus x (ok, I may just marry the first girl that finds me one in mint condition)
cohiba esplendido habano
padron 1964 anniversary series imperial
padron magnum maduro
serie 1926 no. 1
arturo fuente hemingway work of art
partagas 8-9-8 habano my first box of cubans...you never forget your first.
davidoff grand cru no. 2
h. upmann no. 100 robust
"daily" smokes:
romeo y julieta medalla de oro
romeo y julieta cedro no. 2
romero y julieta reserva
bolivar dominican royal corona
dunhill toro
astral beso
feel free to send any of the above my way...thanks.
8.23.2003
absolutely wasted about ninety percent of my day yesterday.
no, I don't feel good about it.
I was up until about five thirty this morning drafting a letter, making invoices, packing lists and customs forms after staying up all night smoking a cigar. because of that, I ended up sleeping until after noon, which is later than I've ever slept in my entire life (right). it's a normal amount of time to sleep, but I just felt like the laziest tub of goo on the planet after I finally awoke. I totally forgot that I had promised nick's mom that I would take his car in before eleven to get it washed since she can't drive a standard.
so what did I do to make up for the laziness?
I sat on my semi-toned ass (dude what is up with thom giving me too much man-love, after all the did feel my pecs) and watched movies all day. I didn't do anything remotely productive. by waking up so late, I felt that everyone had an insurmountable head start, so I just gave up the race.
it's not like I watched good movies either. I watched "tomcats" on cable and then I watched "buying the cow" starring ryan reynolds. now, I can defend cow, but "tomcats"? what was I thinking. that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back. in a moment of defiance I straight up gave that dvd to my friend nick via his lovely mother.
at about seven-twenty, I figured that I should try to do something with my evening so that I didn't feel like a complete waste of a human being. I've talked with a couple of people lately about how my houston social life is a bit lacking because I never initiate anything. I decided to resolve this by giving kara a call to see if she wanted to hang out. she was at her sister's bday party, I told her to call me later if she wanted to hang out, not expecting a call back; I had to find something else to do.
I decided to wash nick's car since I reneged on my promise to take have it washed before 11am. I took a bucket and sponge to that sumbitch and left it good as new. after that effort I gave up on the idea of going out.
in order to continue the theme of sloth and lamedom, I went down to blockbuster and rented more movies.
see, the last few times that I've rented movies there, they've given me a coupon to get one "blockbuster favorites" movie free with the rental of another. and this pizzeria has a movie night promotion. because of this, I've been caught in a vicious circle of movie renting. it's terrible. I have no self control. somebody save me -- I don't care how you do it.
I ended up renting "the hunted" and "das boot", neither of which I had ever seen (I've tried to watch boot numerous times, but the effort has failed misserably). I knew I wanted to get "das boot" when I went down to the store and I chose the other because it was about a cold-blooded killer, I can relate to that. I slay poosay on a constant basis on weekends.
since I didn't spend much time in the video store and there happened to be a barnes & noble (notice "noble" is singular...LEIGH!). while I was there, there was some awkwardness as I ran into someone who I know but didn't particularly want to talk to. rather than stopping to talk, I just waved, went in, bought a magazine, waved again as I came out and hauled ass. I did this because I'm dumb. also because I have no people skills...riiiiiiite.
when I came home, I popped "das boot" in to watch. I love it, you will too.
now, I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed from the combination of caffeine and bourbon and waking up too late. it's unfortunate that I have nowhere to go. what's a boy to do?
discuss.
well yeah, my parents are out of the country so I might treat my baby bro to some thelma's bbq for lunch. take him shopping and then plot our derrieres in front of the telly at 6:45pm and watch k-state bitchslap cal.
no, I don't feel good about it.
I was up until about five thirty this morning drafting a letter, making invoices, packing lists and customs forms after staying up all night smoking a cigar. because of that, I ended up sleeping until after noon, which is later than I've ever slept in my entire life (right). it's a normal amount of time to sleep, but I just felt like the laziest tub of goo on the planet after I finally awoke. I totally forgot that I had promised nick's mom that I would take his car in before eleven to get it washed since she can't drive a standard.
so what did I do to make up for the laziness?
I sat on my semi-toned ass (dude what is up with thom giving me too much man-love, after all the did feel my pecs) and watched movies all day. I didn't do anything remotely productive. by waking up so late, I felt that everyone had an insurmountable head start, so I just gave up the race.
it's not like I watched good movies either. I watched "tomcats" on cable and then I watched "buying the cow" starring ryan reynolds. now, I can defend cow, but "tomcats"? what was I thinking. that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back. in a moment of defiance I straight up gave that dvd to my friend nick via his lovely mother.
at about seven-twenty, I figured that I should try to do something with my evening so that I didn't feel like a complete waste of a human being. I've talked with a couple of people lately about how my houston social life is a bit lacking because I never initiate anything. I decided to resolve this by giving kara a call to see if she wanted to hang out. she was at her sister's bday party, I told her to call me later if she wanted to hang out, not expecting a call back; I had to find something else to do.
I decided to wash nick's car since I reneged on my promise to take have it washed before 11am. I took a bucket and sponge to that sumbitch and left it good as new. after that effort I gave up on the idea of going out.
in order to continue the theme of sloth and lamedom, I went down to blockbuster and rented more movies.
see, the last few times that I've rented movies there, they've given me a coupon to get one "blockbuster favorites" movie free with the rental of another. and this pizzeria has a movie night promotion. because of this, I've been caught in a vicious circle of movie renting. it's terrible. I have no self control. somebody save me -- I don't care how you do it.
I ended up renting "the hunted" and "das boot", neither of which I had ever seen (I've tried to watch boot numerous times, but the effort has failed misserably). I knew I wanted to get "das boot" when I went down to the store and I chose the other because it was about a cold-blooded killer, I can relate to that. I slay poosay on a constant basis on weekends.
since I didn't spend much time in the video store and there happened to be a barnes & noble (notice "noble" is singular...LEIGH!). while I was there, there was some awkwardness as I ran into someone who I know but didn't particularly want to talk to. rather than stopping to talk, I just waved, went in, bought a magazine, waved again as I came out and hauled ass. I did this because I'm dumb. also because I have no people skills...riiiiiiite.
when I came home, I popped "das boot" in to watch. I love it, you will too.
now, I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed from the combination of caffeine and bourbon and waking up too late. it's unfortunate that I have nowhere to go. what's a boy to do?
discuss.
well yeah, my parents are out of the country so I might treat my baby bro to some thelma's bbq for lunch. take him shopping and then plot our derrieres in front of the telly at 6:45pm and watch k-state bitchslap cal.
8.21.2003
a better take I could not write...
today's huge email of the day goes to....n-doe in austin:
hopefully we won't die in the sun since it's at 2:00.
question: Rome always talks about people getting the kharma
from going to the tour stops. Mack is obviously going to
get some kharm for the horns, but, where does that leave
us? Does that mean that Nate's kharma is going to land him
some super model sugar momma that wants him to sit around
all day and play guitar for her? Is Stan going to
be able to successfully patent his different uses of 69 and
be the first non-pornstar to become rich off of that thing
we like to call "fine as wine"...? Is Dub going to be the
next guy on the cover of Fortune with an article about he
was struck with the latest and greatest investment idea
while pounding migas and Dr. Pepper? Am I going to all of
the sudden grow huge lungs and extremely muscular legs and
become the next Texan to dominate le Tour?
Eh, probably not. But, it's fun to pretend that standing
out in the sun surrounded by dudes and listening to some
meat head from Los Angeles say "awwwwsome" for the
1,325,069th time would bring these things to us.
I'm pumped.
war Roy
war the Jewish Butkus a.k.a. Teddy Lehman
war 10 more days until football
war 5300 A & B Duval
war Austin and it's hot chicks
Rack me.
Nick in Austin
yes, that's right, me and 5 of my closests friends will be in attendance at austin tour stop #32.
because I'm such a badass
today's huge email of the day goes to....n-doe in austin:
hopefully we won't die in the sun since it's at 2:00.
question: Rome always talks about people getting the kharma
from going to the tour stops. Mack is obviously going to
get some kharm for the horns, but, where does that leave
us? Does that mean that Nate's kharma is going to land him
some super model sugar momma that wants him to sit around
all day and play guitar for her? Is Stan going to
be able to successfully patent his different uses of 69 and
be the first non-pornstar to become rich off of that thing
we like to call "fine as wine"...? Is Dub going to be the
next guy on the cover of Fortune with an article about he
was struck with the latest and greatest investment idea
while pounding migas and Dr. Pepper? Am I going to all of
the sudden grow huge lungs and extremely muscular legs and
become the next Texan to dominate le Tour?
Eh, probably not. But, it's fun to pretend that standing
out in the sun surrounded by dudes and listening to some
meat head from Los Angeles say "awwwwsome" for the
1,325,069th time would bring these things to us.
I'm pumped.
war Roy
war the Jewish Butkus a.k.a. Teddy Lehman
war 10 more days until football
war 5300 A & B Duval
war Austin and it's hot chicks
Rack me.
Nick in Austin
yes, that's right, me and 5 of my closests friends will be in attendance at austin tour stop #32.
because I'm such a badass
8.17.2003
dummifying things
why I want to date an older woman? its really simple. women are like dogshit, the older they are the easier they are to pick up.
thank you for your time.
why I want to date an older woman? its really simple. women are like dogshit, the older they are the easier they are to pick up.
thank you for your time.
8.16.2003
the saga of the girl in the blue dress
this deserves to be written down and remembered for eons, if for nothing else for its sheer hilarity
a year or two ago, nathan sloppy dave and I decided to see how much abuse our livers could handle. we started at, shit I don't even remember now, but we ended up at the bronx bar in the rice village. it can be a pretty happening place if you bring your own crowd, and we were all flying solo so we still went in nonetheless.
as we rounded the corner to walk into this place I spotted 6 or 9 girls, obviously dressed for a party. or undressed, in one particular blue dressed female's case. being in a group of dudes as we were, of course our "rocket{" radar went off and the words "hey you in the blue dress! I want to F U C K you!" and others I can't exactly recall, I yelled in the direction of this scantily clad female as I walked past.
we had a good laugh...until we realized the pack of hotties were stopping, and we were going to the exact same bar as this girl that had just been yelled at. and then we started laughing even harder. someone...errr dave (what a poosay) got concerned about the possibility of the unknown girl recognizing us at the bar, to which, I replied, so as to assuage any fears, "it's ok, I'm going to really SCREW her." and if you knew me, is about the last thing I would ever do. that solicited even more laughs as we proceeded to make the contents of a pint glass dissappear.
after we had been there awhile, we were talking amongst ourselves, commenting on general randomness and drinking the overpriced beer, when sloppy noticed a skirt obviously eavesdropping on our (admittedly eavesdropping-worthy) conversation. being such a gentleman, dave invites said girl into our conversation so that she is not just standing alone. we continued our conversation when the girl's friend comes up and joins our group. the only thing is, it is the same girl wearing the blue dress I had yelled at about 40 minutes prior, and who I loudly proclaimed my intentions for. nathan mutters under his breath "oh what a cruel mistress fate is". instant classic facial expressions all the way around as the realization dawned on all followed by several guffaws and an extremely awkward silence that eventually drove the befuddled girls away.
good times.
this deserves to be written down and remembered for eons, if for nothing else for its sheer hilarity
a year or two ago, nathan sloppy dave and I decided to see how much abuse our livers could handle. we started at, shit I don't even remember now, but we ended up at the bronx bar in the rice village. it can be a pretty happening place if you bring your own crowd, and we were all flying solo so we still went in nonetheless.
as we rounded the corner to walk into this place I spotted 6 or 9 girls, obviously dressed for a party. or undressed, in one particular blue dressed female's case. being in a group of dudes as we were, of course our "rocket{" radar went off and the words "hey you in the blue dress! I want to F U C K you!" and others I can't exactly recall, I yelled in the direction of this scantily clad female as I walked past.
we had a good laugh...until we realized the pack of hotties were stopping, and we were going to the exact same bar as this girl that had just been yelled at. and then we started laughing even harder. someone...errr dave (what a poosay) got concerned about the possibility of the unknown girl recognizing us at the bar, to which, I replied, so as to assuage any fears, "it's ok, I'm going to really SCREW her." and if you knew me, is about the last thing I would ever do. that solicited even more laughs as we proceeded to make the contents of a pint glass dissappear.
after we had been there awhile, we were talking amongst ourselves, commenting on general randomness and drinking the overpriced beer, when sloppy noticed a skirt obviously eavesdropping on our (admittedly eavesdropping-worthy) conversation. being such a gentleman, dave invites said girl into our conversation so that she is not just standing alone. we continued our conversation when the girl's friend comes up and joins our group. the only thing is, it is the same girl wearing the blue dress I had yelled at about 40 minutes prior, and who I loudly proclaimed my intentions for. nathan mutters under his breath "oh what a cruel mistress fate is". instant classic facial expressions all the way around as the realization dawned on all followed by several guffaws and an extremely awkward silence that eventually drove the befuddled girls away.
good times.
8.10.2003
back to rock your thongs off...
what the hell is pepsi si? is there tequila in it or something?
after doing a little research I found that its part of pepsi co.'s marketing plan to lure aboard hispanics. I bet they spent upwards of 6 or 9 million dollars to come up with this slogan. I would have come up with a far more effective campaing for about half the price. last time I went to the store and saw a bunch of pepsi "si" shit on the shelves, I was afraid it was some new test market formula, so I went straight for the coca-cola. [note: I've always been a coke man, but sometimes I like to switch it up].
I didn't realize it was just regular pepsi with a latino twist on the label.
dr. pepper needs to come out with "dr. pepper, y'all". it could be marketed to both the rednecks AND african-americans.
thank you,
ad genius for hire
what the hell is pepsi si? is there tequila in it or something?
after doing a little research I found that its part of pepsi co.'s marketing plan to lure aboard hispanics. I bet they spent upwards of 6 or 9 million dollars to come up with this slogan. I would have come up with a far more effective campaing for about half the price. last time I went to the store and saw a bunch of pepsi "si" shit on the shelves, I was afraid it was some new test market formula, so I went straight for the coca-cola. [note: I've always been a coke man, but sometimes I like to switch it up].
I didn't realize it was just regular pepsi with a latino twist on the label.
dr. pepper needs to come out with "dr. pepper, y'all". it could be marketed to both the rednecks AND african-americans.
thank you,
ad genius for hire
8.07.2003
toeing a very fine line...
between hilarity and offensiveness. today I heard someone say they would be willing to "go kobe" on a certain good looking woman. my first reaction was to crack a laugh, but then I had to supress the smile because of mr. bryant's alleged crime. but damn, I love that phrase...it says so much with so little words.
in other news, I've been catching up on my "justice league" episodes, cartoon network somehow modernized it. and I'm digging the shit out of it. but not as much as 'the family guy'. I'll go on a limb and state that fg might be better than 'the simpsons'. but I digress.
one thing that really trips me out about the justice league, is aquaman. aside from his questionable sexual orientation he's truly an enigma. considering most of the superfriends battles are fought on land or out in space, aquaman is pretty much left out in the cold. I'd hate to be wonder woman whom is the one that has to lug his fish ass around whenever they fly. what a chore. I bet she really started to dislike him after a few flights.
however, you would think that being able to swim real fucking deep would build up his muscles to superhuman strength out of water. I guess his ability to control fish and aquatic mammals is pretty cool. why not just summon a bunch of alligators or water moccasins to sneak attack the legion of doom in their swamp hide out?
sometimes nothing makes sense.
between hilarity and offensiveness. today I heard someone say they would be willing to "go kobe" on a certain good looking woman. my first reaction was to crack a laugh, but then I had to supress the smile because of mr. bryant's alleged crime. but damn, I love that phrase...it says so much with so little words.
in other news, I've been catching up on my "justice league" episodes, cartoon network somehow modernized it. and I'm digging the shit out of it. but not as much as 'the family guy'. I'll go on a limb and state that fg might be better than 'the simpsons'. but I digress.
one thing that really trips me out about the justice league, is aquaman. aside from his questionable sexual orientation he's truly an enigma. considering most of the superfriends battles are fought on land or out in space, aquaman is pretty much left out in the cold. I'd hate to be wonder woman whom is the one that has to lug his fish ass around whenever they fly. what a chore. I bet she really started to dislike him after a few flights.
however, you would think that being able to swim real fucking deep would build up his muscles to superhuman strength out of water. I guess his ability to control fish and aquatic mammals is pretty cool. why not just summon a bunch of alligators or water moccasins to sneak attack the legion of doom in their swamp hide out?
sometimes nothing makes sense.
8.06.2003
so I get this call from ali b at 11:42 last night, she tells me that she's holed up and some classy joint in the quarter. ok, by now I'm envious. anyway, she then informs me that she has found the 'perfect' woman for me. awesome. I authorized her to proceed with the standard setting-up procedures. and that I will take care of the rest.
through today's advanced technology developed by the stan's shortbus foundation I was able to travel forward in time and see how this will unfold. it will go a lil' summthing like this: romance, slow dance, sing and play for her, make her feel great, and at the end of the night I'd tap that ass like it was going out of style.
sincerely,
jack hammer
through today's advanced technology developed by the stan's shortbus foundation I was able to travel forward in time and see how this will unfold. it will go a lil' summthing like this: romance, slow dance, sing and play for her, make her feel great, and at the end of the night I'd tap that ass like it was going out of style.
sincerely,
jack hammer
8.05.2003
gotta love newspaper article forwards...
my friend wg sends me the best articles, but today I had a rare quality fwd from an unexpected source:
snake collector dies from rare snake bite
check out this innuendo:
The snake, also known as the river jack, has a triangle-shaped head and can become four feet long.
oh really? my snake, also known as le tunacan, has a mushroom-shaped head and can become 2.5 inches long when threatened.
I bet darwin is laughing his ass off in the fiery pits of hell.
my friend wg sends me the best articles, but today I had a rare quality fwd from an unexpected source:
snake collector dies from rare snake bite
check out this innuendo:
The snake, also known as the river jack, has a triangle-shaped head and can become four feet long.
oh really? my snake, also known as le tunacan, has a mushroom-shaped head and can become 2.5 inches long when threatened.
I bet darwin is laughing his ass off in the fiery pits of hell.
8.04.2003
smoked it like a phillie blunt
today we ask the question, 'do car problems and good music offset each other?'
you might remember that episode from circa may 26th of this year that found me in austin. yes, the same episode that found me staring at a speeding citation, the same one that found me partying at my friend's old house (now leased by cargo pants clad delts), etc. etc. while flying at mach 6.9 down lamar I nailed a pot hole that sent my cd player on the fritz. and in true lazyass fashion, I have yet to have it fixed.
on friday we decided to drive to austin saturday morning to look at possible condos for me to buy. bad idea, genes. we got pretty hammered friday night, and instead of leaving at 9am as we had originally planner, we left at noon. it was a little later than I wanted to leave, but it was cool.
I made a quick stop at the sam's on i-10 and hwy 6 to top off the tank before departing the bayou city. in memory of barry white, we listened to 'hot in herre' by nelly as I escalating the on-ramp. or in this case, the on-romp.
the drive is pretty lengthy. the a tee ex is about two hours and fifteen minutes from houston, the way I drive. I was a little worried about making it there on time to fetch my sleeping bag from nathan before he drifted off to la-la-land after spending all night helping a certain blonde haired friend of ours move. it didn't seem like we were going to have a problem until I got to sixth street. he called to tell me he was headed home to nap, there went that plan. oh well, with time to burn we swung by ut to show my cousin's husband how much more badass my alma matter is than his (lsu). as we were driving past the stadium, he asked him where bevo's cage was. you see, the geauxs keep their kitty holed up in a cage yards from the stadium. bevo spends this days munching on grass at an undisclosed ranch outside of austin, and he is escorted back to austin in a padded trailer pulled by a ford dually spinning on griffeys 'you don't stops'. word.
as we were walking around the campus all I could think of was my rig baking in the hot austin sun. yeah, the leather was really going to do a number on my tender hammies. when we got back in the car, the ac would not blow cold air. great, so now I got no ac and no cd. we hauled ass to the county line to stuff ourselves silly with their all you can eat cadillac. at least having a full belly of baby back ribs was going to keep me from thinking about sitting in a moving sauna for the rest of the day.
after putting a sizeable dent in the restaurants bbq stock we continued on to the oasis to have a drink and watch the sunset, or some gay shit like that. after ten minutes into the trip, the car started smoking. this is funny because my flights are strictly non smoking. it turns out the 5-series idling next to us at the light was over heating.
my dad started to freak out for the other people in that car. we rolled the windows that and waved to them like crazy to no avail. so if any of you austinites come across a story of two dallasites burning at the gas station on 2222 and 620 in the paper let me know.
anyway, we drove down to san antonio to walk around the river and eat dinner. after that was over we speed walked back to the car and sat in traffic. all of the cowboy fans were trying to flee the scrimage at the alamodome, so the roadways were clogged. and we were about two blocks away from the freeway when we hit stop and go traffic, with more emphasis on the stop than go. it was very tedious. what made it more tedious were the two turdburglars revving up their mustangs next to us the whole time. it was nauseating. I wish I would have had my knife on me, I was about ready to put some homemade pinstripes on their 'stangs.
having had enough of that bullshit I did a bit of a looptidy loop and got back on i-10, where I proceeded to set a new land speed record on the drive back home.
today we ask the question, 'do car problems and good music offset each other?'
you might remember that episode from circa may 26th of this year that found me in austin. yes, the same episode that found me staring at a speeding citation, the same one that found me partying at my friend's old house (now leased by cargo pants clad delts), etc. etc. while flying at mach 6.9 down lamar I nailed a pot hole that sent my cd player on the fritz. and in true lazyass fashion, I have yet to have it fixed.
on friday we decided to drive to austin saturday morning to look at possible condos for me to buy. bad idea, genes. we got pretty hammered friday night, and instead of leaving at 9am as we had originally planner, we left at noon. it was a little later than I wanted to leave, but it was cool.
I made a quick stop at the sam's on i-10 and hwy 6 to top off the tank before departing the bayou city. in memory of barry white, we listened to 'hot in herre' by nelly as I escalating the on-ramp. or in this case, the on-romp.
the drive is pretty lengthy. the a tee ex is about two hours and fifteen minutes from houston, the way I drive. I was a little worried about making it there on time to fetch my sleeping bag from nathan before he drifted off to la-la-land after spending all night helping a certain blonde haired friend of ours move. it didn't seem like we were going to have a problem until I got to sixth street. he called to tell me he was headed home to nap, there went that plan. oh well, with time to burn we swung by ut to show my cousin's husband how much more badass my alma matter is than his (lsu). as we were driving past the stadium, he asked him where bevo's cage was. you see, the geauxs keep their kitty holed up in a cage yards from the stadium. bevo spends this days munching on grass at an undisclosed ranch outside of austin, and he is escorted back to austin in a padded trailer pulled by a ford dually spinning on griffeys 'you don't stops'. word.
as we were walking around the campus all I could think of was my rig baking in the hot austin sun. yeah, the leather was really going to do a number on my tender hammies. when we got back in the car, the ac would not blow cold air. great, so now I got no ac and no cd. we hauled ass to the county line to stuff ourselves silly with their all you can eat cadillac. at least having a full belly of baby back ribs was going to keep me from thinking about sitting in a moving sauna for the rest of the day.
after putting a sizeable dent in the restaurants bbq stock we continued on to the oasis to have a drink and watch the sunset, or some gay shit like that. after ten minutes into the trip, the car started smoking. this is funny because my flights are strictly non smoking. it turns out the 5-series idling next to us at the light was over heating.
my dad started to freak out for the other people in that car. we rolled the windows that and waved to them like crazy to no avail. so if any of you austinites come across a story of two dallasites burning at the gas station on 2222 and 620 in the paper let me know.
anyway, we drove down to san antonio to walk around the river and eat dinner. after that was over we speed walked back to the car and sat in traffic. all of the cowboy fans were trying to flee the scrimage at the alamodome, so the roadways were clogged. and we were about two blocks away from the freeway when we hit stop and go traffic, with more emphasis on the stop than go. it was very tedious. what made it more tedious were the two turdburglars revving up their mustangs next to us the whole time. it was nauseating. I wish I would have had my knife on me, I was about ready to put some homemade pinstripes on their 'stangs.
having had enough of that bullshit I did a bit of a looptidy loop and got back on i-10, where I proceeded to set a new land speed record on the drive back home.
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