12.31.2003
roughly one year ago today....
faraway, so close
up with the static and the radio
with satellite television
you can go anywhere
miami, new orleans
london, belfast and berlin
and if you listen I can't call
and if you jump, you just might fall
and if you shout, I'll only hear you
stay (far away, so close)
faraway, so close
up with the static and the radio
with satellite television
you can go anywhere
miami, new orleans
london, belfast and berlin
and if you listen I can't call
and if you jump, you just might fall
and if you shout, I'll only hear you
stay (far away, so close)
12.27.2003
if you were in my shoes?
would you plunk down $100K for a suite or $42k per seat for the diamond club to watch roger clemens hurl for the 'stros next season?
hmm, there is a cigar room at the diamond club.
would you plunk down $100K for a suite or $42k per seat for the diamond club to watch roger clemens hurl for the 'stros next season?
hmm, there is a cigar room at the diamond club.
bullshit!
I had to be reminded that this girl and I shared a previous encounter. by her, no less. has it really been that long?
yes, she will be included in my book.
p..s its really bad when another girl calls you from this particular city, and the whole tim eyou are thinking, "holy shit! which one am I talking to?". this is getting ridiculous.
whoops
12.24.2003
those crazy canucks...
once in a blue moon, something good (aside from money)actually comes from my job. today, I got to talk to a real live canadian.
it's true. I was trying to ask this cat aboot his businesses.
the most difficult part was figuring out how I could coerce the guy with whom I was speaking into saying, "aboot," as many times as possible in a single conversation.
I love the canadian accent.
I decided long ago that if I ever encountered teen rocker avril lavigne in person again (already happened one this year), I would propose marriage to her on the spot. she's 1. got those eyes that make be go "ga-ga", 2. she's got a nice set of pipes on her, d. she's canadian. did I already mention that her eye make-up makes my pants dance? they do.
but, not all canadians are pretty. I think that's what I like most about them.
my attraction originates from canadian teen sketch comedy. as a young buck I ate up shows like you can't do that on television, the bloodhound gang, and mister wizard. I didn't just watch these programs because the kids talked funny either. I think I liked these shows so much because they actually had ugly kids in them. I was an ugly kid. I still am. it's nice to have something I can relate to.
speaking of how I looked as a child, I was informed this evening that whenever I call alison my baby picture pops up on her phone. how über cool is that?
that's all for now. I must retire to my bed. its going to be a long day tomorrow. I have a turkey to roast, stuffing to stuff, a drive to el rancho, girls to seduce, and presents to hand out.
happy chrismukkah
once in a blue moon, something good (aside from money)actually comes from my job. today, I got to talk to a real live canadian.
it's true. I was trying to ask this cat aboot his businesses.
the most difficult part was figuring out how I could coerce the guy with whom I was speaking into saying, "aboot," as many times as possible in a single conversation.
I love the canadian accent.
I decided long ago that if I ever encountered teen rocker avril lavigne in person again (already happened one this year), I would propose marriage to her on the spot. she's 1. got those eyes that make be go "ga-ga", 2. she's got a nice set of pipes on her, d. she's canadian. did I already mention that her eye make-up makes my pants dance? they do.
but, not all canadians are pretty. I think that's what I like most about them.
my attraction originates from canadian teen sketch comedy. as a young buck I ate up shows like you can't do that on television, the bloodhound gang, and mister wizard. I didn't just watch these programs because the kids talked funny either. I think I liked these shows so much because they actually had ugly kids in them. I was an ugly kid. I still am. it's nice to have something I can relate to.
speaking of how I looked as a child, I was informed this evening that whenever I call alison my baby picture pops up on her phone. how über cool is that?
that's all for now. I must retire to my bed. its going to be a long day tomorrow. I have a turkey to roast, stuffing to stuff, a drive to el rancho, girls to seduce, and presents to hand out.
happy chrismukkah
12.19.2003
twelve hours of nothingness
8:00 am -- slowly roll out of the rack, carefully making sure to twist my ankle on the maglite on the floor next to my bed.
8:01 am -- brush my teeth and spend the next minute investigating this fine specimen in the mirror.
8:07 am -- look at my weather station. 51 degrees. decide to jump back into my toasty bed.
9:45 am -- fire up the computer, check the tracking on two cigar shipments I'm expecting. hopefully, mine didn't go up in flames in that fedex plane crash yesterday. how ironic would that be?
10:00 am -- log onto my ups account and print out two labels.
10:02am -- decide that my bedroom and my bathroom are filthy. "hmm, that would make a good entry..."
11:07 am -- pull out the ladder and climb on the roof to begin the ardous task of cleaning the roof of a house inhabited by four raccoons.
11:35 am -- stan is completely disgusted.
11:45 am -- stan cleans bathroom and bathes in recently cleaned shower furiously scrubbing away the filth.
12:45 pm -- open a package from a friend in minnesotta that contains a cache of cigars, including: two "between the lines", a ramon allones specially selected, and an ashton vsg enchantment. score!
12:47 pm -- jump back in the car, drive, listen to jessica simpson on the radio. she's everywhere, I love it! forget the purpose of the trip, return home.
12:59 pm -- arrive again in the bat cave. stick afformentioned cigars in the humidor. remember to pick up ups package intended to go out today. destination: modesto, california. chuckle at the thought of jungle legend "patty in modesto".
1:15 pm -- call favorite my cigar shop . "no, stan, the 90th anniversary fuente hasn't arrived yet", they tell me. bummer
1:16 pm -- take my brother to school so he can pick up the assignments he missed during his hospital stay.
3:05 pm -- continue to defy the laws of physics, and prove that booty shaking and typing on the computer can be acheived simultaneously as I listen to jessica simpson.
4:00 pm -- stan reads the latest time magazine and pokes fun at saddam.
5:15 pm -- receive phone call from lady friend. stan turns down the offer to go to dinner/drinks with the old high school clan for no good reason.
5:25ish pm -- calls stacy
5:26ish pm -- calls ryno
5:26.069 pm -- talks to ryno
5:30 pm -- end of cellular-to-cellular phone conversation. stan contemplates what he can/cannot do tomorrow.
5:45 pm -- play age of empires 2. I rule.
9:15 pm -- talk to carol, they are having a baby itsaboy.
10:35 pm -- talk to sto, he's a party this dad is hosting. we are going out as soon as he's done.
that's my friday in a nutshell. exciting.
8:00 am -- slowly roll out of the rack, carefully making sure to twist my ankle on the maglite on the floor next to my bed.
8:01 am -- brush my teeth and spend the next minute investigating this fine specimen in the mirror.
8:07 am -- look at my weather station. 51 degrees. decide to jump back into my toasty bed.
9:45 am -- fire up the computer, check the tracking on two cigar shipments I'm expecting. hopefully, mine didn't go up in flames in that fedex plane crash yesterday. how ironic would that be?
10:00 am -- log onto my ups account and print out two labels.
10:02am -- decide that my bedroom and my bathroom are filthy. "hmm, that would make a good entry..."
11:07 am -- pull out the ladder and climb on the roof to begin the ardous task of cleaning the roof of a house inhabited by four raccoons.
11:35 am -- stan is completely disgusted.
11:45 am -- stan cleans bathroom and bathes in recently cleaned shower furiously scrubbing away the filth.
12:45 pm -- open a package from a friend in minnesotta that contains a cache of cigars, including: two "between the lines", a ramon allones specially selected, and an ashton vsg enchantment. score!
12:47 pm -- jump back in the car, drive, listen to jessica simpson on the radio. she's everywhere, I love it! forget the purpose of the trip, return home.
12:59 pm -- arrive again in the bat cave. stick afformentioned cigars in the humidor. remember to pick up ups package intended to go out today. destination: modesto, california. chuckle at the thought of jungle legend "patty in modesto".
1:15 pm -- call favorite my cigar shop . "no, stan, the 90th anniversary fuente hasn't arrived yet", they tell me. bummer
1:16 pm -- take my brother to school so he can pick up the assignments he missed during his hospital stay.
3:05 pm -- continue to defy the laws of physics, and prove that booty shaking and typing on the computer can be acheived simultaneously as I listen to jessica simpson.
4:00 pm -- stan reads the latest time magazine and pokes fun at saddam.
5:15 pm -- receive phone call from lady friend. stan turns down the offer to go to dinner/drinks with the old high school clan for no good reason.
5:25ish pm -- calls stacy
5:26ish pm -- calls ryno
5:26.069 pm -- talks to ryno
5:30 pm -- end of cellular-to-cellular phone conversation. stan contemplates what he can/cannot do tomorrow.
5:45 pm -- play age of empires 2. I rule.
9:15 pm -- talk to carol, they are having a baby itsaboy.
10:35 pm -- talk to sto, he's a party this dad is hosting. we are going out as soon as he's done.
that's my friday in a nutshell. exciting.
la vida es un carnaval
I am a big fan of having things in a somewhat neat and precise order. right now, I could call the police and tell them that someone broke into my room and they would have no doubt as to the validity of my claim. it is absolutely fuckin' filthy in there because I have been so busy lately. I am glad that I won't have to spend any time in there while conscious for a while. I would like to get my clean on soon, but I don't know when I am going to have an opportunity.
it seems that everytime I turn around I'm tripping on a shipping box, cigars, cds, a girl's phone number (I collect them), my sleeping bag, etc.
I am a big fan of having things in a somewhat neat and precise order. right now, I could call the police and tell them that someone broke into my room and they would have no doubt as to the validity of my claim. it is absolutely fuckin' filthy in there because I have been so busy lately. I am glad that I won't have to spend any time in there while conscious for a while. I would like to get my clean on soon, but I don't know when I am going to have an opportunity.
it seems that everytime I turn around I'm tripping on a shipping box, cigars, cds, a girl's phone number (I collect them), my sleeping bag, etc.
12.18.2003
the finer things in life
earlier I was giving wg a cigar primer over AIM. he seemed be really interested in storage methods, aging, cutting, proper lighting procedures, etc. all this talk made me thristy for a nice scotch. as I opened the doors to my cabinet to reach for the bottle of nikka yoichi, one thing become alarmingly clear. why the fuck had I not thought of this before?
so is it safe to keep this nikka yoichi (afterall, it is japanese) in the same liquor cabinet with the other scotches or might this scotch go ninja and flip out and kill ALL the other scotches by cutting off their heads and not even think twice about it? that is some real ultimate power.
living on the edge is what I do.
earlier I was giving wg a cigar primer over AIM. he seemed be really interested in storage methods, aging, cutting, proper lighting procedures, etc. all this talk made me thristy for a nice scotch. as I opened the doors to my cabinet to reach for the bottle of nikka yoichi, one thing become alarmingly clear. why the fuck had I not thought of this before?
so is it safe to keep this nikka yoichi (afterall, it is japanese) in the same liquor cabinet with the other scotches or might this scotch go ninja and flip out and kill ALL the other scotches by cutting off their heads and not even think twice about it? that is some real ultimate power.
living on the edge is what I do.
12.17.2003
I am nothing / I am everything
if you measure coolness in the amount of time you stare at a computer screen, then I might be seriously pushing grand champion of the world. I hope all this effort I'm putting into this new venture is worth it. details to come.
in other news, today is hug your attorney day, so be sure to hug your personal jesus and let him know how much he is loved.
I'm out
if you measure coolness in the amount of time you stare at a computer screen, then I might be seriously pushing grand champion of the world. I hope all this effort I'm putting into this new venture is worth it. details to come.
in other news, today is hug your attorney day, so be sure to hug your personal jesus and let him know how much he is loved.
I'm out
12.14.2003
but I don't eat buffalo...
for the better part of this weekend I have been unable to escape the power of the blonde, big tittied one. jessica simpson. watching her performance is almost as fun as playing with a capo on the 5th fret. she looks good, but her ice planet hoth boots have got to go.
imagine her with nothing but a t-shirt on...tasty.
for the better part of this weekend I have been unable to escape the power of the blonde, big tittied one. jessica simpson. watching her performance is almost as fun as playing with a capo on the 5th fret. she looks good, but her ice planet hoth boots have got to go.
imagine her with nothing but a t-shirt on...tasty.
12.11.2003
old friends: reloaded
at least once a week, usually over a scotch and a cigar, I think about old flames that are extinguished. girls that I'll see no more, and, thankfully, those I'll still see on occassion or regularly. can't think of a better thing to toast in solemn celebration than the love we invested in those relationships that were too short.
last night, I left the nikka yoichi on the shelf and reached for a penn pilsner and a '03 montecristo no. 2. I never mix a cuban with beer, just liquor. the break from routine was a sign of things to come.
I ran into a friend from high school. doesn't look a day older than senior year. she gave me her number and wanted to get together over the holidays or maybe after since she moved back to houston. and what do I do? I fuckin' lose it. oh well. maybe we will run into each other again. maybe not.
trusty pair of broken-in shoes
at least once a week, usually over a scotch and a cigar, I think about old flames that are extinguished. girls that I'll see no more, and, thankfully, those I'll still see on occassion or regularly. can't think of a better thing to toast in solemn celebration than the love we invested in those relationships that were too short.
last night, I left the nikka yoichi on the shelf and reached for a penn pilsner and a '03 montecristo no. 2. I never mix a cuban with beer, just liquor. the break from routine was a sign of things to come.
I ran into a friend from high school. doesn't look a day older than senior year. she gave me her number and wanted to get together over the holidays or maybe after since she moved back to houston. and what do I do? I fuckin' lose it. oh well. maybe we will run into each other again. maybe not.
trusty pair of broken-in shoes
12.10.2003
today I have done nothing
out of a combination of lazines and forty-two degree chills, I didn't do a damned thing today. aside from talking to nathan on the phone and burning some music. my two main accomplishments were changing my sheets and buying some manilla envelopes before making a trip to the post office. as this is not the sort of thing an interesting entry is made of, I've made a list of things one could possibly do on a frigid day like today. enjoy.
things to do on a chilly day:
sleep naked
wear rubber pants to utilize the heat for weight loss purposes
have a picnic in a private room at the tanning salon
pee outside, and watch the steam rise from your bodily discharge
drink cocoa...with bourbon
fire up the hot tub
lay topless on a grassy hill and pretend that frostbite doesn't exhist
call everyone you know and grouse about how "it's colder than a witches tit up in this bitch"
that's it for now, dudes.
kentucky straight bourbon whisky
out of a combination of lazines and forty-two degree chills, I didn't do a damned thing today. aside from talking to nathan on the phone and burning some music. my two main accomplishments were changing my sheets and buying some manilla envelopes before making a trip to the post office. as this is not the sort of thing an interesting entry is made of, I've made a list of things one could possibly do on a frigid day like today. enjoy.
things to do on a chilly day:
sleep naked
wear rubber pants to utilize the heat for weight loss purposes
have a picnic in a private room at the tanning salon
pee outside, and watch the steam rise from your bodily discharge
drink cocoa...with bourbon
fire up the hot tub
lay topless on a grassy hill and pretend that frostbite doesn't exhist
call everyone you know and grouse about how "it's colder than a witches tit up in this bitch"
that's it for now, dudes.
kentucky straight bourbon whisky
12.07.2003
my bcs dreams. shattered
amazing! bob stoops managed to fuck us...again. since I didn't have someone in this infernal town to vent my frustrations with, and none of my out-of-town friends answer their phones, I decided to take matters into my own hands. the best way of coping is by drinking. a lot. gluhwein is the weapon of choice for this evening. yeah, I make it myself. impressed?
I got a whole pot simmering on the stovetop.
then, I'm going to go hibernate. if I had a do not disturb sign, I'd hang it on my door and castrate anyone who violated it. I can get pretty violent when I'm sleepy and grumpy.
and I'm not talking about dwarves with multiple personalities.
okay, this entry is pretty pointless and all over the place. I'm kind of frustrated that my entries over the last few weeks have been so vapid, mostly because I'm probably not going to be updating very frequently for the rest of the month. too many plans, dudes. I feel like I should be writing something important and worthwhile. instead, I spew this garbage. I promise to try harder when I come back.
a mi manera
amazing! bob stoops managed to fuck us...again. since I didn't have someone in this infernal town to vent my frustrations with, and none of my out-of-town friends answer their phones, I decided to take matters into my own hands. the best way of coping is by drinking. a lot. gluhwein is the weapon of choice for this evening. yeah, I make it myself. impressed?
I got a whole pot simmering on the stovetop.
then, I'm going to go hibernate. if I had a do not disturb sign, I'd hang it on my door and castrate anyone who violated it. I can get pretty violent when I'm sleepy and grumpy.
and I'm not talking about dwarves with multiple personalities.
okay, this entry is pretty pointless and all over the place. I'm kind of frustrated that my entries over the last few weeks have been so vapid, mostly because I'm probably not going to be updating very frequently for the rest of the month. too many plans, dudes. I feel like I should be writing something important and worthwhile. instead, I spew this garbage. I promise to try harder when I come back.
a mi manera
12.04.2003
the best bad show on tv...
...is definately the o.c. on fox. I've been an avid watcher since the first episode, and if you haven't experience its true epicness you are missing out.
this series has it all: teen self-destruction, shady business dealings, run-ins with johnny law, and good ol' fashioned gay persecussion. this, my friends, is no trip to cleveland.
I must say that last night's episode did not dissapoint. a tug-of-war of the senses, if you will. anna's thoughtful present to seth melted your heart, while summer's outfit melted your pants. perfect balance of all that comes to be, in a yin-yang sort of way.
but of course, leave it to the tv execs to "do the right thing". I was a little disturbed by seth's diplomatic resolution to his girl dilemma. there's a good reason why I haven't cracked the racks of hollywood. I'm way too blunt and drama-free. had I been in seth's shoes I would have handled things a little different.
what's that you ask? for starters I would have locked the door behind me as soon as summer lured me there (duh!). next, when the two broads demanded that I pick one I would have picked summer. immediately gone upstairs to have some freaky crazy monkey sex to celebrate our "new relationship". then, as a bow legged summer is getting dressed to leave I would have her that I had suddendly changed my mind and pick anna for the long haul.
that's what a real MAN would do.
regards,
force mccoken
...is definately the o.c. on fox. I've been an avid watcher since the first episode, and if you haven't experience its true epicness you are missing out.
this series has it all: teen self-destruction, shady business dealings, run-ins with johnny law, and good ol' fashioned gay persecussion. this, my friends, is no trip to cleveland.
I must say that last night's episode did not dissapoint. a tug-of-war of the senses, if you will. anna's thoughtful present to seth melted your heart, while summer's outfit melted your pants. perfect balance of all that comes to be, in a yin-yang sort of way.
but of course, leave it to the tv execs to "do the right thing". I was a little disturbed by seth's diplomatic resolution to his girl dilemma. there's a good reason why I haven't cracked the racks of hollywood. I'm way too blunt and drama-free. had I been in seth's shoes I would have handled things a little different.
what's that you ask? for starters I would have locked the door behind me as soon as summer lured me there (duh!). next, when the two broads demanded that I pick one I would have picked summer. immediately gone upstairs to have some freaky crazy monkey sex to celebrate our "new relationship". then, as a bow legged summer is getting dressed to leave I would have her that I had suddendly changed my mind and pick anna for the long haul.
that's what a real MAN would do.
regards,
force mccoken
12.02.2003
"simple life"
who knew that paris hilton, aside from being ever cock/camera hungry, possessed such an untapped comedic genius? I must confess that I was a little skeptical of the show when I first saw the commercials. would you believe that I actually caught myself laughing out loud a few times? this show seemed as clever as releasing an ebola infested monkey on speed into rush hour manhattan. nevertheless, I can't help but feeling that the concept is remarkably insipid.
the thought of seeing simple country rubes vs. clueless snotty rich girls made me cringe. but these broads are a trip.
"maybe they'll surprise us by taking us to paris for 5 weeks?!?"
"what does generic mean?"
"oh, can't you just give this to us?"
"what's a soup kitchen?"
"I won't pluck anything, except my eye brows"
"what's wal-mart? so, do they like sell wall stuff?"
"awww he's sweet...let's have a threesome with him!"
classic...I can't wait to tune in tomorrow. and its going to be right before the oc. looks like I'll be sacrificing more brain cells to the fox gods of shitty tv. hooray for stan. stan's #1!
who knew that paris hilton, aside from being ever cock/camera hungry, possessed such an untapped comedic genius? I must confess that I was a little skeptical of the show when I first saw the commercials. would you believe that I actually caught myself laughing out loud a few times? this show seemed as clever as releasing an ebola infested monkey on speed into rush hour manhattan. nevertheless, I can't help but feeling that the concept is remarkably insipid.
the thought of seeing simple country rubes vs. clueless snotty rich girls made me cringe. but these broads are a trip.
"maybe they'll surprise us by taking us to paris for 5 weeks?!?"
"what does generic mean?"
"oh, can't you just give this to us?"
"what's a soup kitchen?"
"I won't pluck anything, except my eye brows"
"what's wal-mart? so, do they like sell wall stuff?"
"awww he's sweet...let's have a threesome with him!"
classic...I can't wait to tune in tomorrow. and its going to be right before the oc. looks like I'll be sacrificing more brain cells to the fox gods of shitty tv. hooray for stan. stan's #1!
oh boy, let me tell you how exciting it is to kickoff your post-thanksgiving monday by spending a couple of ass numbing hours doing absolutely nothing.
the monotomy was broken by a trip to the ever exciting postal office. alas, that was the sole source of excitement for the stan during business hours. it's probably a good thing, though, as the rest of my day was chock full o' excitement. I probably would have wet myself if I had any more
from the p.o. I headed to the salon to get a trim. as I drove west on westheimer, I got a call on my cellular phone from one of my groupies. we'd been bantering back and forth via text messages. when she called, I suggested we have a few beers or something. she agreed, and I had a pseudo-date set up. but of course, that fell through when I decided it was more important to do cigar stuff instead of going home to get ready. stuck in traffic and knowing I was going to be late I texted her and called the whole thing off. talk about keepin' the pimp hand strong. vegas is now taking bets on the over/under of when I'll hear from her again.
anyway, I'm pretty much one hundred percent certain that I make the drive to this salon for the head rub and not the haircut now. it's like going to a massage parlor without all those pesky handjobs.
after surfing the 'net I grabbed a beer and plopped my derriere down on the couch, I switched on the television and shrieked in horror. the cable was out again.
honestly, I can't remember the last time the cable was paid. in college we experimented to see how big of a bill we could run up before it was shut off or we received a phone call. everyone knows that college students never pay attention to payment remainder letters. because the cable company is like a crack peddler, they purposely left it on for six or nine months past the cancellation date before shutting it off unexpectedly and leaving us twitching on the floor jonseing for "south park". two days after it went out the first time, it magically reappeared.
turns out it was a momentary lapse of the signal. I was back to watching yet another "american chopper" re-run before I could finish my beer.
before I decided to shut off the tv I was channel surfing up to the history channel. in my house that's channel 58. as I turned past channel 44 (e!) I noticed that howard stern was on. they were playing some sort of spin the wheel game, with an sternesque sexual twist. the contestants were two nymphettes playing for plugs for their websites. the first bitch up got a "plug" all right. one smeared with toe jam.
in exchange for some gratuitious on-air promotion she had to let a naked, fat guy stove his big toe up her ass. talk about some quality entertainment. I just wish I had had the tape recorder on to capture and re-live her facial expression when said digit was inserted up her poop shoot. hindsight.
until tomorrow. you all ready know. hollah atchur boi.
the monotomy was broken by a trip to the ever exciting postal office. alas, that was the sole source of excitement for the stan during business hours. it's probably a good thing, though, as the rest of my day was chock full o' excitement. I probably would have wet myself if I had any more
from the p.o. I headed to the salon to get a trim. as I drove west on westheimer, I got a call on my cellular phone from one of my groupies. we'd been bantering back and forth via text messages. when she called, I suggested we have a few beers or something. she agreed, and I had a pseudo-date set up. but of course, that fell through when I decided it was more important to do cigar stuff instead of going home to get ready. stuck in traffic and knowing I was going to be late I texted her and called the whole thing off. talk about keepin' the pimp hand strong. vegas is now taking bets on the over/under of when I'll hear from her again.
anyway, I'm pretty much one hundred percent certain that I make the drive to this salon for the head rub and not the haircut now. it's like going to a massage parlor without all those pesky handjobs.
after surfing the 'net I grabbed a beer and plopped my derriere down on the couch, I switched on the television and shrieked in horror. the cable was out again.
honestly, I can't remember the last time the cable was paid. in college we experimented to see how big of a bill we could run up before it was shut off or we received a phone call. everyone knows that college students never pay attention to payment remainder letters. because the cable company is like a crack peddler, they purposely left it on for six or nine months past the cancellation date before shutting it off unexpectedly and leaving us twitching on the floor jonseing for "south park". two days after it went out the first time, it magically reappeared.
turns out it was a momentary lapse of the signal. I was back to watching yet another "american chopper" re-run before I could finish my beer.
before I decided to shut off the tv I was channel surfing up to the history channel. in my house that's channel 58. as I turned past channel 44 (e!) I noticed that howard stern was on. they were playing some sort of spin the wheel game, with an sternesque sexual twist. the contestants were two nymphettes playing for plugs for their websites. the first bitch up got a "plug" all right. one smeared with toe jam.
in exchange for some gratuitious on-air promotion she had to let a naked, fat guy stove his big toe up her ass. talk about some quality entertainment. I just wish I had had the tape recorder on to capture and re-live her facial expression when said digit was inserted up her poop shoot. hindsight.
until tomorrow. you all ready know. hollah atchur boi.
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