I wrote a hit play

best man is I...

nathan and leigh finally got engaged. in ireland.

now I must retire to brush up on my mexican

Posted by Stan at 6/27/2006 | Permalink

when I wake up in the morning...

I ask two questions:

1. is this the day I return to take back the blog word by storm?

2. can I make it to the toilet with pissing myself.

the answers are maybe and no.

Posted by Stan at 6/25/2006 | Permalink

make over

looking for a volunteer to go "queer eye for the straight guy" on my template. I pay in cigars and orgasms (if you happen to be of the female kind).

thanks

Posted by Stan at 6/21/2006 | Permalink

over due

'sweet home alabama' and 'just like heaven' are still at my house. 4 days overdue.

Posted by Stan at 6/20/2006 | Permalink

long ass weekend

this is the condensed version of the events that took place late last week and this weekend.

nathan, leigh, stacy and I went to dinner. I ate a bad oyster that kicked my ass. no, I did not puke but my legs got weak, my head started pounding and I got cold sweats. this left me incapacitated for the rest of the evening. I had to bug out early like a pussy so stacy would take me home.

thursday morning found me still weak and laid up on the couch. I only had dress shoes to wear and no car. no food at the house 'cept for a bottle of veuve cliquot, left over tortellini from an unknown date and crystal light pink lemonade mix in the pantry. I went for the crystal light, but didn't realize it was the 2-quart mix serving until I had allready poured it into a regular sized glass. had to dilute that sumbitch 6 or 9 times before it stopped tasting like maple syrup.

nathan finally showed up at 3pm to pick my ass up.

went to heb and stocked up on beer and breakfast food...we were going to mooch off carol for the rest of our meals or consume them in liquid form.

finally made it to our dump in concan by 8pm.

went up to carol's house at 8:15pm. got hammered and left her house after she turned in at 1:45ish am. but not before she dished out some interesting info on which girls had crushes on whom in college. hooray for girls expecting guys to read in between the lines. bitches.

natro and I dragged a cooler by the river bank and left at 4am.

woke up at 7:45am to discover that our septic tank decided to rip a huge fart. had to fry some bacon to mask the aroma.

carol came to visit, uncle stan played with her kids.

nathan and I walked down to the country store to buy some ice and try to scam some tail for me. one of our two wasn't bad.

drank, played the guitar, smoked cigars, pitched horseshoes and gave the rest of our party directions to the house.

thom and meredith arrived around 4pm, or when we had started our 3rd pitcher of mojitos. the rest of the attendees began to trickle in.

went to house pasture. listened to luke olson.

went back to the river until 4am, again.

floated all day.

eat king ranch casserole.

drank some more

woke up.

cooked breakfast.

drove back to houston.

/end

Posted by Stan at 6/19/2006 | Permalink

port-a-cool

if you work for general shelters and still want to get a hold of me, you can reach me at my non-defunct address: donkeyshow@gmail.com

I'll be happy you give you some kickass improvement ideas for your units...but it'll cost you.

thanks

Posted by Stan at 6/19/2006 | Permalink

preemtive strike?

this afternoon I had the pleasure of being on the receiving in of an odd call. this girl called to inform me that "she's not interested in dating anyone right now..." yeah, I'm happy for her decision but she was never even in my crosshairs.

wonder what the self-help books at barnes and noble have to say about getting shot down by a girl who you are not even interested in? maybe next time I see her I'll have that crazyass bitch served with divorce papers.

Posted by Stan at 6/10/2006 | Permalink

reese witherspoon in the house...

I came back from blockbuster with 'sweet home alabama' and ' just like heaven' in tow. I'm about to uncork a bottle of wine and watch these cinematic masterpieces...with a girl.

Posted by Stan at 6/09/2006 | Permalink

survived a cougar mauling...

this weekend I almost became a statistic were it not for the valiant efforts of leigh. an austin socialite nearly ripped my buttocks off saturday night, and left a near permanent lipstick stain on my face. she dug the shit out of my suit, my shirt, my lighter and my steaming pile of manmeat of a body. can't say that I blame her because, frankly, I looked pretty damn fly saturday night.

Posted by Stan at 6/05/2006 | Permalink